ayearlivedintheheart

April 21st

Finding it hard at the moment, as mentioned earlier, not knowing which way to turn whilst observing the habitual thoughts and habits which is not a pleasant state to be in.  I feel quite alone although surrounded by people.  Big struggle at the moment is finances, whitling down work to follow my dream but still desiring all the things that money can buy.

April 22nd

Interesting to read the effect that the Taurus full moon (which is tomorrow) has, which is effectively to give energy and light to the lower and higher desire natures, or the struggle between them.  Might explain my feelings of late.

April 24th

Come across my friends company called a Touch of Gentleness which trains volunteers to give hand massages but also to lend a listening ear.  I am really taken on how practical this is and have signed up for the training. I think this should compliment my journey well and highlighted to me all the different angles that can be followed towards the same goal.

April 26th

Was forwarded a daily reading from Wahiduddin, the Spiritual message of Hazrat Inayat Khan, by a friend and it has been a great inspiration for me - hard to put into words but the teachings resonate with me and give me some strength to keep going in this direction.

April 30th

One of the consequences of observing myself (although it is not new) is highlighting how clumsy I am. If something can go wrong it will.  Whilst this is quite challenging I tend to beat mtself up about it , it also provides lots of opportunities to not get involved and just take it as it is.

May 1st

I seem to have plateaued out on my journal entries but still consider the journey, may be more now.  One thing that struck me is how some things appear just at the right time to help.  I came across a set of lectures I have had for many years by Gita Saraydarian on the Labours of Hercules and am struck by how much more they now mean to me, even though I have barely touched them before.

May 2nd - 6th

Started with a few drinks after work which had the effect of bloating me out and then had the long weekend away, eating and drinking which again upset my stomach, leaving me feeling very uncomfortable.  I mention this as, when I am preoccupied with the body in this way, nothing else is considered and I find it very hard to concentrate on anything else.

May 8th

Takem with my new book Shambala by Chogren Rinpoche.  Explains the stages of 'warrior' training on how to come in touch with the higher nature.  Especially struck on the importance given to everyday living (one example is not putting your feet on the table) as a start to spiritual aspirations. Decided to put this into practice.

May 10th - 13th

My first experience of 'twinning' with a town in Germany called Schwerte. Stayed with a hpost family who treated me to a wonderful weekend, enjoying the sights and hospitality.  It is a wonderful example of how the power of being open and sharing can bring about such joy - certainly something I hope will live with me for a long time.

May 16th

Watched an episode of Ben Fogle and was given a glimpse into the world of truely human passion and compassion. A vet from the North of England went to help the lot of street dogs in Sri Lanka. With humble beginnings from treating a few dogs , with passion, enthusiasm, perseverance, dedication, refusal to be beaten and most importantly, love, she is now running a charity reaching 1000's of dogs every year. A fine example of the capacity of the human spirit.

May 17th

Starting to sound like a stuch record but I am struggling with my commitment to this endeavour.  Physically I have been out of sorts for a while and this seems to take up all my attention as previously mentioned.

May 18th

I am given hope by my daily reading of Hazrat Khan - 'God and the God ideal may be explained as the Sun and the light. As there are times when the sun becomes covered by clouds, so there are times when the God ideal becomes covered by materialism, yet God is there just the same.' Something to bring to mind.

May 20th

Observed two men in town exhibiting loutish behaviour.  I was immediately struck by my totally disregarding attitude towards them, even to the point of wishing them harm (not by me as I am too scared). I tried turning these feelings around and to some degree was successful but not fully.