ayearlivedintheheart

February 20th

Recently there has been two more significant (for me) synchronicities.  These make me question the wholw fabric of mind and our latent capacities - are we capable of so much more, clairvoyance for example.

February 21st

'It's good to have powers, we just have to learn how to use them'.  This sentence seems to be having quite a draw, for me it sums up our human predicament.

February 22nd

A lot of my recent readings have been about the complete absence of the ego - quite a frightening prospect as I am used to this ego being my normal life. However, for some reason there seems to be an attraction for me towards it.  I guess it may come from looking at what my ego (and others) has done to the world.

February 24th and 25th

Having spoken about the teachings leading to a loss of ego, I seem to have a lol in working on the teachings and a feeling of not really knowing which way to turn. (note - This has coincided with a full moon)

February 26th

Reading Rudolph Steiner on our relationship to the Cosmos (as in being born from it) has rekindled my desire to get back on track.

February 27th and 28th

Last couple of days my thoughts have been occupied by the Steiner book.  It is so 'out there' it has left me slightly unsettled as I try to assimilate what it means in practice.

February 29th

It occurred to me that I tend not to relate too much to the virtues That I am espousing as the way I should be living.  However, I feel this is a good time now for patience as I go easy on myself trying to assimilate these new ways of being.

March 1st

It has been sid many times that the people or places that challenge you are a blessing as these provide the work to be put into place. Thsi happened today in the form of someone not keeping there word which then affected my proposed plans.  I personally find this very challenging, as this is not an uncommon experience with this person. I did manage to observe my thoughts and reactions to some degree, especially when it came came to a plan of retribution which was stopped straight away.  However, I do find it difficult to know how to respond  (not react).  Any mention of the felt slight will lead to a shouting match and lot of anger. To do nothing (which I do) leaves me with a feeling of also not responding in the right way. I'm sure there is a meeting point somewhere but I have yet to find.

March 4th

Struggling now to keep up the imputus with a lot of days going without a recording. Today I watched a video by Charles Eisenstein, something a would normally enjoy but this time it was followed by a 'hard sell' of the 'Dr has cure for nail fungus' type all over FB. My association with money has always had issues but I do struggle to feel this kind of approach is positive for a leading figure like Charles.  Did make me consider my own approach thou, although still not clear what they may be.

March 5th

On working on the material for my book I have now changed the prominent virtue to Sacrifice as I felt this was more appropriate. It occurred to me that the ego has to be virtually continually sacrificed to make way for true service to appear - in other words to control the habitual thoughts of what's in this for me.  I am making use of some small everyday tasks to practice this as I take my wife continually for granted.

March 6th

I put together a flow  chart from a piece from Hermes Tristmegitus on 'My son, hear about time, God and the All.  God, eternity, the cosmos, time and generation'.  I could dwell over these things for hours, connections, meanings, expanding my viewpoint. I am trying to piece together how all the works come together in some sort of alchemy and it makes me feel alive. 

March 9th to 18th

TENERIFE

Enjoyed a family and friends visit to Tenerife to celebrate my sister's 70th birthday. It struck me how the hot weather, sunshine and leisurely days completely evaporated my desire to pursue 'something bigger'.  It reminded me of many years ago when a teacher said that it was the hard times that were the best for spiritual development as when things are going well there is little desire for change. It was abundantly clear how this is the case.

March 19th

Returning to work and life at home in general I find it difficult not to be affected by all the problems and ills of our society. I seem to have lost some of my vision, which I realise happens at regular intervals. 

March 20th

The feeling of judgement is prevalent again. The stark contrast of what can be but what is, I am finding leaves me in a quandary - do I try to make things better where I am or is it better to try my luck elsewhere (destination)?