ayearlivedintheheart

January 1st

Still in holiday mode and have not got my journal head on.  I reflected today that humility will again be a virtue that may be hard to pinpoint it's exact nature. Some work to do in the days ahead.

January 2nd

Yesterday I mentioned that I did not really relate to hope.  Today this has slightly bothered me  and most teachings say that these 'bother' moments reflect something to work at.  My initial feeling is that hope is concrete, not like a plan or a desire.  However all the traditions mention the importance of hope, I am feeling i will just 'live with it' whilst seeing what occurs.

January 3rd

Following on again from yesterday where i spoke of my problems with 'Hope', however this month is Humility - perhaps that is illuminating in itself.  This is because I finished 'undefended love' and things got real for me in the night. For 'undefended love' I read Heart and for Heart I read Humility. I began asking myself how seriously I am taking this journey.  Am I prepared to peel away layers of my personality and face the unknown, which, from others accounts, can seem very daunting.  I questioned some of my beliefs and started to experience some of that (emptiness, fear) and chose to return to my comfort zone. Perhaps, after all, it is humility I am unwilling to face.

Another revelation in the night was the belief in 'my heart' not the Heart.  How willing am I to see that there is only one Heart and it is not just me that is different?  However I did not name it ' A year Lived in My Heart' which would have been more precise at this present  moment in time, but, by choosing 'the Heart', there must be an inkling somewhere.

January 4th

The big news today is a scandal about the Post Office prosecuting hundreds of sub postmasters for fraud when all the time is was a fault in the software package they had started using. Alongside most of the country, I feel outraged by the lack of 'heart' shown by the Post Office officials in favour of the utmost faith in technology (against all common logic and decency). .  This has left a bitter taste and a sense of despondency in human nature which also  gives me a chance to take the high ground - is this where I should be?

January 5th

Thinking more of yesterdays entry and my righteous indignation about the Post Office and their disregards for human nature it brought to mind Marshal B. Rosenberg who writes on non violent communication. He proposes that there are two types of people, those that think people are creeps and o out to get them or those that respect them as human beings  and see the common journey and their inherent goodness.  I, alongside probably 99.9% of the population, fall into the first category.

 When was the last time I left my door unlocked? The mind would say that this is sensible   but really I am saying that people are thieves and out to get what I have got.  If you transfer this condition to a large institution it is easy to see how these circumstances occur.  It is also easy to see (but hard to achieve) how they can be resolved.

January 6th

My intention throughout the year will be to draw from as many sources of inspiration that I can, both for my personal use and to share. With this in mind I came across a book on Judaism and realised this is missing from my bookshelf so I purchased and have started reading.

January 7th

Reading through the book on Judaism, I am struck by the amount of ritual and observance in their religion.

I feel respect for following a tradition (for those that do), that has lasted over so many years.  Ritual seems to be well thought of for a spiritual practice. The Holocaust looms large, not unsurprisingly, and that got me to thinking why it is that the Jews have been so persecuted throughout the times? Another one to ponder.

January 8th

Decided today that I was not putting in enough effort on my journey and how easily I am swayed by comfort and leisure. This is despite being confident that consistent work towards my goals is necessary to ensure the best possible chance for the synchronicities to appear. I now plan to set aside one hour on at least 3 evenings a week for this 'work'.

January 9th

I have often wondered what it would be like to have immense power ay your fingertips but only use it for the good of all.  I am referring to Jesus, who, it is said, could call an army of angels to intervene but instead, accepted his duty humbly and wished only well on his persecutors. For me, this is the ultimate to aspire to and a humble reminder for me to know where I am staged at the moment.  I was thinking of it as a bridge to be crossed from the 'myself' to the 'ourself'.

January 10th

I have been observing how quickly I judge people and how willing to tell a little lie if it suits me.  However, I have also, in certain moments, caught these and replaced with a sense of gratitude for all.  I have had a willingness to be open to all the experiences of others.  These moments are very liberating.

January 11th

Going back to bridge between 'myself and our self', I pondered a third stage to the journey - the Self.  

Myself - separate from others and open to all sorts of prejudices  and judgements (starting point)

Our self - working as group and less prone to individual selfishness but could still be referring to 'others' who are not in the group (crossing the bridge)

The Self - the unity underlying all, no separation and total commitment to all others (on the other side)

This not only applies to human species but all of creation

January 12th

Started to read a new book today which touched on the concept of holism in the form of individual existence being a variation in vibration of the total tune, such as individual elements of an orchestra combining to play one song. I also liked the relationship discussed on each part of an ecosystem, whilst self actualisation towards its own goal (i.e. krill feeding on micro nutrients), provides an essential part in the bigger scene (making up essential diet for the Whales). This brings to mind what the function of the human may be, and is said in some quarters, to be for the evolution of the expanding cosmos. However this requires us to find our true way in relationship with our world, something that is clear is not presently happening.

January 13th

Another busy family day so missed again today.

January 14th

Returning again to my new book (The Dao of Civilisation; a letter to China) I enjoyed the instruction to, rather than impose our desire on our environment (e.g. to build concrete structures with no thought of the wider implications on the area), to ask ourselves 'what is it that the environment needs from us?' (e.g. can we build sympathetically with local resources to ensure survival or enhance biodiversity). Of course it is not only referring to the examples given but to every moment - what is my locality needing of me in this moment?  Now reflecting on this it fits in very well with the subject of humility - putting ourselves in consideration  to greater need rather than individual desire.

January 15th

The synchronicities are flowing at the moment.  Today I was drawn to a Podcast by Charles Eisenstein (one of my favourite authors/speakers) and he was replying to a question of why he brought four children into the world.  He replied that the question did not encapsulate that humans (in their original design) are born to enhance and contribute to the wellbeing of the world - we just haven't realised this potential yet (not opened our hearts?) Personally, I would say that the world is certainly a better place with five Charles Eisensteins.

January 16th

And so it goes on - another new book (Start where you are - Pema Chodrun), more to follow up with my current way of thinking - that is to say "first take the log out of my own eye" before looking to lay the blame on others (once the log is removed there is no blame but more of an understanding). This book is about a form of Buddhism which is a religion I am very drawn to.

January 17th

One of the viewpoints in my new book is to see all the situations where you are uncomfortable in life as the 'manure of waking up' - or to me it is saying the opportunity to self reflect and bring about change 'in here' rather than explode or react.  I have found this in a close relationship where I often feel righteous indignation and I suppose contempt for the other person.  However I have realised that many of their actions , I have carried out at some point in my life.  This has led to a softening of my attitude but I still find it very hard to relate to how to act and respond for the 'best'.  Perhaps the last word describes the problem.

January 18th

I realised I can bring Group Love to mind when practicing my meditation as I recall the differing people I have practiced with throughout the years.

Today I am reading again the Hidden Messages in Water. Simply put, Emoto, is saying that water takes on the form of the intentions and thoughts of what it is surrounded by.  To me it is a perfect example of the power of living in the heart.  If I practice virtues and wellbeing, then these will be used by the water that makes up my body and also that of others.  As Emoto puts it 'If you fill your heart with love and gratitude, you will find yourself surrounded by so much that you can love and that you can be grateful for, and you can get even closer to enjoying the life of health and happiness that you seek'.

January 19/20/21

Shirls'Birthday weekend

Shirl's Birthday - normal service resumed.  Celebration weekend with too much food and drink.  Th most noticably thing was how soon my sense of 'me' came in after a drink with my first argument and strong words with my wife for a long time.  Also how the over indulgence led to 'Heart Burn' - an interesting description for this topic.  However I feel I did manage some space to reflect on the larger whole and attempted to stop irritation when I spotted it.