ayearlivedintheheart

January 22nd

Today I had a mentoring session with a young man as part of ABOB and it occurred to me how easily I can slip into wanting to 'practice' giving advice on some type of higher meaning when what was needed was just listening and reflection.  Luckily I managed to catch myself.

January 23rd

My wife charged me with looking at my phone too much (excuse the pun), something she does regularly.  To start I followed my normal pattern of thought ' well that's rich coming from her' etc... In other words to go on the attack.  However, this time I did not say anything but started to refect - actually she is right! Mt time could be spent reading the books I am collecting rather than the mostly dribble content of Facebook. New start tomorrow.

January 24th

Another book another idea  I am now re-reading the Labours of Hercules by Alice Bailey.  I can reflect some of my own desire to have a close contact with the Soul which, in the book, means bringing into order our lower nature, including the mind.  This ties in well with yesterdays entry - today I kept FB down to a few minutes which I was pleased with.  My is idea is to now integrate these Labours into the subject of 'A Year lived in the Heart'  - (a Herculean task).

January 25th

I struggle to relate my 'day time job into my 'ideal'.  For a long time I have felt trapped by a 9-5 routine and by the wage at the end of the month that stops me from moving on (fear).  I know this is a common scenario but I go to two extremes - one that I am just lazy and don't want to work and one that I am just fearful and do not have the courage and faith to seek out a living in what fulfils me.  Interesting!

January 26th

I am finding that I must complete something for an entry on the day or the next at the latest as I do not remember today's now!

January 27th

Finished the 'Labours' and have decided to restart my journal with the signs of the zodiac and the particular virtue that I believe best matched the one required for each of Hercules tasks carried out in that sign.  Also intend to use the two as subject matter for a book.

January 28th

Looking again to Torkom and started to reread 'Symphony of the Zodiac'.  Whilst I can understand a lot of what is being said the detail is very challenging and perhaps serves to me where I am at present because I am unwilling to accept as fact in my life.

January 29th

Got to thinking of the significance of fire today.  Fire being what sets us apart from the animal  kingdom, said to be stolen form the Gods (original flame in the heart?), responsible for todays combustion burning (climate change?), forest fires raging out of control and reaching the upper spheres of the earth (symbolism?), yet the fame of the heart being particularly weak, perhaps the world is trying to tell us something?

January 30th 

 For some reason I am drawn towards a song by Joni Mitchell called 'Both sides now'.  It talks of viewing life form both sides (funnily enough) but recalling them both to be illusions - seems to me that a lot of teachings are saying the same thing.

January 31st

Nothing came to mind today

February 1st

The symbology of 'The King' popped into my head.  I have started to put together my book and mention that it was the Elvis night that was the big 'aha' moment for me - of course Elvis was known as the King.  The King also plays a prominent role in the archetypes (used in A Band of Brothers) and when used correctly, governs the other three energies into there correct use. Any connection?

February 2nd

More symbology today as I was thinking more about the Flame of the Heart.  The flame (fire) is very symbolic - Moses and the burning bush for one.  Torkom is saying that humans and Humankind have a small flickering flame and this can be fanned by a life of virtue to eventually make a bright shining light with the benefits to humanity that ensues.  However, the opposite can also happen and the light is extinguished by the non-practice and the heart putrefies, leading to sorts of diseases and crimes (which on face value seems relevant today).  I also got to thinking about candles, if everyone else's had gone out you could use yours to light them.

February 3rd and 4th

Gary's birthday weekend

Following a bit of a pattern my thoughts on the journal seem to stop when I am away enjoying myself in company.  I did start to read a new book about the Souls journey through the Labours of Hercules as it appeared very relevant to my current way of thinking. I will say I also had far too much to drink in one session and had very unsettling dreams.

February 5th

A struggle today as a direct consequence of my binge yesterday, motivation is low.  I realise that I just observe these feelings and they will pass but also the importance of strength needed to change these habitual patterns.

February 6th

Went to see a film called 'One Love' about a man who was responsible (as apart of a team) for transporting over 600 children to safety in Britain from Czechoslavkia before Hitler invaded.  This film highlighted the extremes of human behaviour, from the greatest heights to the lowest depths. However there could not be a clearer example of Group Love in action, as the team worked tirelessly, at great danger and cost to themselves, to save the children. This Group Love achieved what most thought was impossible.

February 8th and 9th

My Retreat

Booked into a B & B for 24 hours to spend time on my book (on my own).  Pleasantly surprised how well it went, plenty of quiet, lots of reading and work on book, listening to classical music - anyone (including friends and family) would think I am mad or having an affair! I must say that normally I would see this as a great opportunity to go to the pub for a session but this did not cross my mind. I certainly hope to repeat this but I must say I do wonder how much change people will be willing to accept, I suppose including myself (ego?).

Reflecting on yesterdays film, I feel the importance of remembering these bright examples and aspiring to somehow replicate them, all be it hopefully in not quite the extreme situation.

February 10th

Started Sand Talk today which opens my eyes further into the mysteries of the world. Written by an Aborigine, it is highlighting their view of everything in the world having life and significance (reverence?) - something I wish to take  on board but at present not very good at.

February 11th

Meditation Sunday - noticed how my thoughts are directed to my own point of view and how defensive and dismissive of others viewpoints I can be. Something to observe as it is hardly conducive to Group Love.

February 12th and 13th

I've had two recent opportunities to work from the heart but missed both of them.  The second was particularly harsh when I had an opportunity to be of service but very quickly skipped to 'react' mode (made from the mind - limited help given, a general 'not my concern attitude).  This was followed y a period of feeling guilt - honestly it would have been easier to pay attention in the first place and respond instead of react. On reflection I feel I should 'take a moment' when presented with these opportunities to give more time for the heart to become involved.

February 14th

Experienced lots of minor levels of irritation throughout the day - most of it around using the computer, and again my 9-5 existance.  Later in the day I caught myself and relaxed. Noticeably very tired at the end of the day - any connection?

February 15th

Reading 'Sand Talk', it occurred to me that the irritation I experienced yesterday could otherwise be seen as my yearning to regain (has this existed for a long time?) a different way of living with more community and less rigidity.

February 16th and 17th

It is strange, but since my 'retreat', instead of being powered up for my goals I have been slightly put of course with little input most of the last week. I think a part of this was my failure to take the opportunity given mentioned earlier leading to a 'who am I to suggest these things?' - I guess that is the whole point, this is why I need to carry on.

February 19th

Reflection ends today on Group Love.  As previously stated, I find it difficult to 'practice' this as I am not really aware of its meaning.  I feel the importance of keeping in mind anyway.

F